Christian Clarity Review

March 16, 2008

Short Story: Mocha Mint Grande

A short parable on God confounding us, still being just and unbeliever’s inevitable reaction to God’s confounding us; remembering that God taught and disciplined the prophets before us and we are called not to seek to dodge the rebuke of God as making us wise. But sometimes we simply do not understand ..for years, decades.

Ecc 7:5 It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise, than to hear the song of fools.

——————–

Tom wanders into the Toucan cafe, a place of writers, thinkers, debaters, academics and aspiring movie producers. He is soon embroiled in a brainstorming session of new movie ideas.

Tom: How about a period piece: ancient Israel –before they went in the land. Guy has ten sheep set aside for the sacrifice. You had to have perfect sheep for that. No scars, no scratches, no scabs. No strange features. This guy, as he goes about his life, hears the law. He believes. He tries to do everything right because he is genuinely afraid of God. God gave him that fear as gift. It is real. He’s not a faker –not a religionist. He’s always checking himself out according to the law. Am I wrong? Did I break a rule? Maybe I did and I don’t know it? He’s counting on those sheep to set things right. This happens. That happens.

Blonde guy: Shit happens.

Tom: exactly. The thing about the story is that each time he wants to take one of those perfect sheep out and give it to the priest for his sin –something happens to it. One of his kids disobeys him and rides it and runs it into a tree; it gets cut –now it’s a no-go. This kind of thing happens one by one. Guy’s goin’ berserk. What am I gonna do? Where am I going to get a perfect sheep? Sheep take time to produce other sheep. Sheep of a certain age or the wrong sex were not acceptable for certain sins. He needs those sheep for whatever he does wrong and can’t know it in advance. I mean that sheep has to have no blemishes. So he’s not able to replace his perfect ones he set aside as fast as they are getting..

Blonde guy: knocked off.

Tom: Right. And its costing him to set them aside. His rams are basically in a safe house, –tent– to keep them perfect. They get fed the best food. Get the best care. So this guy is slowly replacing a few, but not as fast they get knocked off. He’s even made a few runs to the temple with a sheep only to have something happen to the sheep on the way. And the thing is this: the guy never finds out why. He has to live that way among his neighbors who are really unbelievers anyway and are just ritually following the system –with none of his problems. The film ends like that way –that guy just looking confused and asking the priest: why does God command me to do something, I take extreme precautions to make sure I do it –and He destroys my efforts! What did I do? Is it too late for me? Why does God hate me?

Blonde guy: Wow. Brain storm. I know I’m like a dufus sometimes but listen to this: that guy –doesn’t know it, has no clue — but that guy has been singled out by God to be a perfect sheep. ( Tom’s face falls..) I mean, the guy isn’t proud or vain or anything, but in God’s eyes, his neighbors have scabs and scratches and stuff according to God’s big, frickin, incomprehensible.. you know, standards. But this guy is being singled out to do some sacrificial thing see? See what I’m saying?

Man at a table nearby: What standards?

Blonde guy: the unspoken ones.

A woman at another table: What unspoken ones? Are you saying we can’t know God’s standards?

Tom is stunned, saying nothing.

Nearby girl: yeah but what thing –what sacrifice does God have him do? I want to see that –as a movie goer. I want to know Why.

Tom has a thousand mile stare at the wall.

Nearby girl: See what I’m saying? yeah but what? I want to see that –as a movie goer.

Blonde guy: That’s the end of my big thought. I don’t know. Maybe make him a warrior or something. And hey –he’s practicing the ancient Israeli high speed martial arts and stuff. That’s a good angle these days. He could shoot an arrow in slow motion over a ..what, a hundred yards? And hit a ..

Tom: why not just kill him and get it over with?

Blonde guy and girl and everyone nearby suddenly realize Tom sees himself as that man.

Blonde guy: hey man, I didn’t .. I didn’t mean to.. ( he looks at the girl ..) I didn’t ..who can know that kind of stuff in advance? How was I supposed ..

Tom : Don’t sweat it. It’s a good brainstorm. What are you having? ( nodding to Blonde guy’s drink. )

Blonde guy: Uh, it’s a mocha mint.

Tom: Do you mind? Want another one?

Blonde guy: sure.

Tom motions toward the barrista and points toward Blonde guy: mocha mint grande.

Tom looks at Blonde guy: thank you.

Nearby Girl: You ain’t like Jonah or something are you? You ain’t runnin’ or nothin’?

Tom sips water and shakes his head: ‘o. I was in full pursuit, –compliance, if you will, of what Jesus Christ told me to do. He was doing it through me. He had me running a mission –a shelter, for homeless people suffering from substance abuse. For two years. Good facility. Had some great results. Things were looking good. Then it burned to the ground, killed six people, and scarred two more for life.

Another guy sitting nearby: That was your sheep.

Tom: But I can’t earn anything –at all. I knew that going in. I know that now. The sacrificial system is no longer valid because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He was that sacrifice for me –for all who are His. I can’t add to that. No one can.

Blonde guy: Maybe you forgot.

Tom: No. I didn’t. It was the basis of all the success God gave us –when they found out they didn’t have free will and all they were being told by the world was a false measurement system that was causing a cycle of vain to be hopeless. They were born again in reality –not as a farce. They were set free –from the whole thing, not just from the temporary cycle of addiction. Their whole lives were changed. I was going to open up another shelter if I could get some grants.

Blonde guy: He supposed to stop after you “know”?

Girl: You were doing what Jesus Christ told you to do–what you say He was doing through you –and He did that to you?

Tom: He did it to everybody there.

Man sitting nearby: Why would anybody choose Jesus?

Tom : Nobody can. He’s still the King of Kings of Lord of Lords. He does what He wants. I just..

Blonde guy suddenly burst out laughing.

Everyone looks at him.

Blonde guy: I’m just imagining the Jewish guy making a run for it toward the temple, cradling this hapless sheep in his arms, looking out everywhere for what’s going to happen next. He’s supposed to be this mighty warrior and everything. He’s got it in homemade body armor for sheep. No..no.. ( he’s wheezing in high pitched long breaths with laughter now..) nobody understands what it is like to be him. I mean nobody. Hell, even his neighbors probably think God hates him so they avoid him. You can almost hear ‘em “Yeah. That’s him. ( he he he he..! ) God scars all his sacrifices. Get away from him or it will rub off on you! He treats his sheep better than he treats his family!” Ha ha ha..

Tom smiles weakly in spite of himself: They weren’t my family?

Man sitting nearby: That guy is me.

Blonde guy: ( slapping the table, calming down) Now I’m buyin’ you one! You want something?

Tom points at the mocha mint grande: I’ll have one of yours.

——————————–

Psalm 88:1-18 A Song, a Psalm for the sons of Korah. To the chief Musician. Upon Mahalath Leannoth. An instruction. Of Heman the Ezrahite. Jehovah, God of my salvation, I have cried by day and in the night before thee. Let my prayer come before thee; incline thine ear unto my cry. For my soul is full of troubles, and my life draweth nigh to Sheol. I am reckoned with them that go down into the pit; I am as a man that hath no strength: Prostrate among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave; whom thou rememberest no more, and who are cut off from thy hand. Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in dark places, in the deeps. Thy fury lieth hard upon me, and thou hast afflicted me with all thy waves. Selah. Thou hast put my familiar friends far from me; thou hast made me an abomination unto them: I am shut up, and I cannot come forth. Mine eye consumeth by reason of affliction. Upon thee, Jehovah, have I called every day; I have stretched out my hands unto thee. Wilt thou do wonders to the dead? shall the shades arise and praise thee? Selah. Shall thy loving-kindness be declared in the grave? thy faithfulness in Destruction? Shall thy wonders be known in the dark? and thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness? But as for me, Jehovah, I cry unto thee, and in the morning my prayer cometh before thee. Why, O Jehovah, castest thou off my soul? why hidest thou thy face from me? I am afflicted and expiring from my youth up; I suffer thy terrors, and I am distracted. Thy fierce anger hath gone over me; thy terrors have brought me to nought: They have surrounded me all the day like water; they have compassed me about together. Lover and associate hast thou put far from me: my familiar friends are darkness.

Proverbs 3:11,12 My son, despise not the instruction of Jehovah, neither be weary of his chastisement; for whom Jehovah loveth he chasteneth, even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

August 21, 2007

Flash fiction Plus: Saying Shibboleth

jail scene. The jailer is trying to get those he is imprisoning to talk about the specifics of ..something:

Jailer: See, God controls everything. ( as he waves his hands in a circle, one hand holding the GUN)

Prisoner: Everything? ( looking at the gun ) ( his head following the gun around..)

Jailer: Everything, my friend. For instance ( as he herds the prisoner towards a cell already crowded with others ) take the coast. God controls when it expands so that men may build houses on more land and eat the fruit of trees that grow there. There is freedom in having more land. Everyone knows this. But then God sometimes ( he grips the air tightly) constricts the coastline. He squeezes all the men together in a smaller area with an iron band. See?

Prisoner: ( as they get to the door of the cell). I can see that.

Jailer: and the thing is, men like their privacy. They don’t like to be close to other men or women other than their families except for the necessities, no?

Prisoner ( as the jailer opens the door and he goes inside..) I suppose so.

Jailer: You suppose? No, I think you are certain. I think you understand that quietness is indeed golden. Especially for a person in your situation. Because you know that speech itself, no matter what is said, can sometimes be –no, a lot of the time is, the enemy. So I want you to stay in there and not say anything. You have all the time in the world, many millennia according to some for God to work these things out. God has merely constricted your coast to crowd you in with other men –other speakers. But I think –let us hope, it is only temporary and that God will act in a moment, in a miracle, for He has many, to give you more land.

Prisoner: looks at his hand and slowly constricts the air.

Jailer: See? You understand already. I want you to be quiet a very long time and then say something important. You will thank me later for this, I promise. Ch..eh, boleth. Are you familiar with this term?

Prisoner: Shibboleth?

Jailer: Exactly. I knew you were an educated man the moment I saw you. I want you to say a chi-bboleth.

Prisoner looks confused.

Jailer: Don’t worry. You will know it when it happens. ( closes the door and turns the key. Bolt loudly engages. He puts the gun in its holster.) It is different for everybody. And yet the same. You came all this way to be profound, to do what is profound. I could see it the moment I saw you, even beyond your obvious education. Do you have visions?

Prisoner: No. But I see new understandings all the time about things I wasn’t really thinking about. And I’ve heard the thought lately that although we speak a lot of words as sounds we understand and that have real meaning to us and even satisfies us, that beyond that we are saying something else with the same sounds in a language which is unknown to us; that all the little stops and starts as implied punctuation in our speech? –isn’t really, and that it is all something else. I don’t know if it is good or evil. But I think we say much more than we know in the middle of saying what we think we know.

Jailer ( after a small silence) : That is profound. You are a profound person. You will remember I said so. Unfortunately, that particular, ..how do you say ..profundity, is not what we are looking for is it?

Prisoner: Is a shibboleth a confession?

Jailer: It could be. I don’t know. I am not an educated man. It could be as simple as asking some Chinese people to say “fried rice”. You know how some of them are with r’s and l’s. It could be a bigger difference between you and me beyond you being in there and me being out here with the gun and the law. But really, I just hear things from time to time. I think you haven’t been quiet enough to find out and then tell me so we both will know. Even if we are saying mini things beyond what we know to understand, silence is the same in all languages, no? Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. Maybe ..next year. We are but men and do not know these things –until God makes our coast small and gives us time to think. ( he puts his finger up to his lips) Shhh…

add foreign country, a bottle of locally specific liquor on the jailers desk, a dirty glass half full of the liquor, a few flies, an overhead fan creaking out the moving air as it cast shadows over the floor and faces of the players, subdued street noises, guns peeking out of waistbands and under arms from obviously custom rigs, a few days of beard growth on all the men except for one who is perfectly groomed and who is the only one not sweating and obviously ready to ( resigned to) sweating all the time, at least one or two idols that the jailer’s best honesty is to think is truly representative of Christianity and to whom incense is burning in a small dish throughout the whole scene, some graffti to that idol in the jail cell, tattoos on everybody except the guy not sweating. add the truth that both jailer and prisoner are deceived in the lie of free will and though they may make allusions to lack of free will and ‘things outside their mind’, their best honesty is to be deceived anyone can say and do anything they want given the “proper motivation” specifcally aimed at their will and that they all live in the only speech in total reality and that there simply is no hope of anything else and they the are most religious people they know ….there you go.

.. compare that to those who say they search for a “lost word” within their secret rituals and cannot and never could say shibboleth at all to God in the Word that is Jesus Christ, but merely keep speaking as if they had done so repeatedly and God was the one with the hearing problem:

Luke 16:19-31 Now there was a rich man and he was clothed in purple and fine linen, making good cheer in splendour every day. And there was a poor man, by name Lazarus, who was laid at his gateway full of sores, and desiring to be filled with the crumbs which fell from the table of the rich man; but the dogs also coming licked his sores. And it came to pass that the poor man died, and that he was carried away by the angels into the bosom of Abraham. And the rich man also died and was buried. And in hades lifting up his eyes, being in torments, he sees Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he crying out said, Father Abraham, have compassion on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am suffering in this flame. But Abraham said, Child, recollect that *thou* hast fully received thy good things in thy lifetime, and likewise Lazarus evil things. But now he is comforted here, and *thou* art in suffering. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm is fixed, so that those who desire to pass hence to you cannot, nor do they who desire to cross from there pass over unto us. And he said, I beseech thee then, father, that thou wouldest send him to the house of my father, for I have five brothers, so that he may earnestly testify to them, that they also may not come to this place of torment. But Abraham says to him, They have Moses and the prophets: let them hear them. But he said, Nay, father Abraham, but if one from the dead should go to them, they will repent. And he said to him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, not even if one rise from among the dead will they be persuaded.

…then add again the truth that the jailer is a freemason witch with a gold tooth and that he thinks he knows a lost word and what it really means but is specifically forbidden to speak it in public. The lost words , the shibboleths he wants other people to say are beneath him to understand, no matter what they say. He thinks he is merely clever to catch other people in their primitive beliefs and make those beleifs work for him. What he says to the prisoner is just something he says to make them all think jail is temporary. He is a collector of human capital for a low-tech firm. They like to say (and advertise as much on tv in six languages) that they leverage human capital into fresh produce…

———-

Judges 12:5,6 And Gilead took the fords of the Jordan before Ephraim; and it came to pass that when the fugitives of Ephraim said, Let me go over, the men of Gilead said to him, Art thou an Ephraimite? and he said, No. Then they said to him, Say now Shibboleth! and he said, Sibboleth, and did not manage to pronounce it rightly. Then they took him, and slaughtered him at the fords of the Jordan. And there fell at that time of Ephraim forty-two thousand.

shibboleth: stream of water

Proverbs 18:4 The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters, and the fountain of wisdom is a gushing brook.

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Proverbs 17:27,28 He that hath knowledge spareth his words; and a man of understanding is of a cool spirit. Even a fool when he holdeth his peace is reckoned wise, and he that shutteth his lips, intelligent.

Ecc 5:1-3 Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God, and draw near to hear, rather than to give the sacrifice of fools: for they know not that they do evil. Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thy heart be hasty to utter anything before God: for God is in the heavens, and thou upon earth; therefore let thy words be few. For a dream cometh through the multitude of business, and a fool’s voice through a multitude of words.

Matthew 12:36,37 But I say unto you, that every idle word which men shall say, they shall render an account of it in judgment-day: for by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

August 6, 2007

Flash fiction: The Rain in France is Trying

Filed under:

Tally heard the thought: “It is nice that God speaks French” ..and he understands.

Raised in an English bubble, with French spirits coming in from the side every now and then, that when translated is like listening to a stupid person that requires additional education and more work than usual to understand, ( and the constant pressure on everyone is the accusation of being perpetually under-educated) it was really nice to know that God did say things as the French at times. Being monolingual is a certain kind of deafness, in which one has to keep asking over and over for the speaker to repeat the phrase or the saying. Most of the time, after all the trouble, the effort and the rub on the patience of all concerned, it ( the whole thing..) is both a disappointment and a waste that in certain circumstances is required in the overall polite. Surely somebody somewhere had been through that, known that the overall polite isn’t necessarily a good thing and understands for the whole human race: “We’re in trouble. Something has happened here.” Even an old washer woman in Marseille could understand that, even though she knew that understanding it didn’t wash away any sins.

The weather breaks; the rain starts in a gentle downpour with hardly any thunder at all. The sound is a certain kind of sense, a talented player going through intelligent motions that are not understood and pounding away in a solitude of supposed power and an imperative to do so. Even the rain is deceived; running through the polite to deliver itself as medicine to the sick and injured accompanied by music.

Tally saw in his mind an old man from long ago, French even, but before France was France, that saw that he saw that, had stood up to protest that no one had understood (like a watchman reporting the present and distant truth to the genuinely deaf/wicked), nodding and sitting down as having passed on something real. Tally wanted to sit beside him and say nothing for at least a very long time.

He stepped from under the portico and held out his hand to catch some raindrops. Pouring his hand empty, he said: “No. It ain’t you either.”

———————

Romans 8:19-23 For the anxious looking out of the creature expects the revelation of the sons of God: for the creature has been made subject to vanity, not of its will, but by reason of him who has subjected the same , in hope that the creature itself also shall be set free from the bondage of corruption into the liberty of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans together and travails in pain together until now. And not only that , but even *we* ourselves, who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, we also ourselves groan in ourselves, awaiting adoption, that is the redemption of our body.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

September 7, 2006

Short Story: Sound Men of Good Repute

He doesn’t get it; doesn’t want to. While he was speaking for Jesus from the pulpit, they were taking oaths to Allah in secret with witchcraft rituals and giving themselves titles like “Grand Master” and “Imperial High Priest and Prophet”. They say it’s all in fun and that they are kidding –doing it for charity. After all, the congregation voted them into the office of elders and deacons: sound men of good repute.

So it’s like a jigsaw puzzle of humor: the Master Mason is one piece, the Imperial High Priest and prophet and is another; so forth; and the sum is a laugh?

Yeah. They say and smile. Exactly Like That.

The burn victim’s family is gushing with gratitude on the infomercials.

And while Dad was preaching, they had already got orders from somewhere else to lead the people astray a little bit at the same time. They always say Jesus Christ isn’t the only Way. They are not sure on que expressly so their doubts give room for another Way than that which they say they believe.

They were to have helped us all. They stayed to keep us back from error when the Church went down. They masquerade as the people God Says you have to say ‘Yes sir’ to because they are older and in office. Sunday school teachers. Principles. Lawyers. Politicians. Preachers. Business leaders. PatriSacrificers.

———————————–

He never could understand it through the years: the implications he was always doing something wrong and so wasn’t included; the small disagreements with core doctrine: their understanding is always almost perfect; just enough off to be warrant their own conversations per issue; just enough to monopolize the time meeting after meeting. I know we’re busy here. But now explain that part to me again Brother Bill…the difference between predestination and election. I don’t get that part. And I’m told I’m a smart man.

So he would diligently explain it a different way; use a different metaphor; accept their invitations to play golf; to go fishing; to eat dinner. ( He could talk to them then and say things in private they might be too embarrassed to say publicly. They were the weaker brother who needed help.) He accepted the twenties pressed into his palm to take his own family out to eat, even though for him it was really an interruption; he was always distracted in the expensive and unusual restaurant.

Always he looked for the final way to make them understand –to stop the little bit of confusion from which they suffered. It is what he talked about, argued over with the announcers on TV, prayed to God to receive to give to them. He had us looking too, though he never wanted to just accumulate wisdom. He wanted to get it to give it away. Thats who he was and what he did. He searched in books not the Bible for the perfect explanation that would win them freedom from doubt: to free them from “Yes, but..” into “yes.” and the Church into Peace. He searched the Bible for an answer to match their books. Too.

But he wouldn’t join the lodge. Grandpa had always told him: stay away from the Masons. They’ve got a loyalty only to the lodge. They do some good works. But something isn’t right. Don’t forget, Lucifer disguises himself as an angle of light –as a certain kind of mercy that ain’t mercy.

They had always understood. They provided the books. In their own nepotism of secret handshakes and code phrases, on the level and on the square, their circle of alternate brotherhood: they knew. In the city council and on the Board of the Church: they knew. In the charity drives and the little cars: they knew. With the Islamic fez and the crescent moon and star: they knew. It was never a joke: the ‘good’ Islam and ‘bad’ Islam in the war on us all from within.

He was working for them; for their benefit day and night; in prayer and out of it. He prayed before God for their benefit according to their books and their own desires. They trained him to search for the perfect metaphor that would win them over. He grew more concerned with getting them to say yes than listening to God. They set him up and he fell –for them. He did it all for them according to what they put in his heart. That had become his Christianity: the hope of the Perfect Explanation in the supposed non-interfering speech. There was nothing he could see outside of it.

But at least he was Reformed. He liked that word. He siad it often as his proof that at least he wasn’t a papist.

His life was a sacrifice he was certain, after having read their books, of which God would approve. Wasn’t God for certainty? Was God a god of confusion? Of course not! And while he was working for the confused, God took care of his own family. That’s how God is; that’s how It works. He ignored widows for them; the sick; the lame. He was studying for an Answer. Are non-widows or the healthy Less in God’s eyes?

———————————

I don’t want vengeance; wouldn’t care if I got it or gave it away. What is it? What’s it good for? Only God knows what to do with it. I’m not God.

He still doesn’t understand. It’s too much for him. He thought not understanding certain things made him better even as he searched for a certainty for them. He thought putting a mote in his own eye for the emotional stability of the whole was the Way. They taught him that, little bit by little bit. They taught everybody that through him together with some twenties for his family to get a little taste.

On his death bed he wanted me to promise that I wouldn’t do it. Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. –as if God weren’t in us. He was always like that: for God in such a way that all the good people die while the angels harp a happy tune. He said that (about vengeance) after the argument that made him see what they had done; after the look on his face they would have laughed at. Jimmy Brand?! Gilbert Sousa?! The Whitehalls?! Then, moments later: That’s why Roscoe Hemmings went to First Church. He pushed to get me to join the Masons. He stared at the ceiling with a gaze that saw back through all the years and was a kind of simple hopelessness over the time spent.

They are ..what are they? Spiritual cuckolds. Deviants who prey on good faith. If the Church were their mother, they are literal Mother Fuckers: Incestuizers and Seducers while being a husband of one wife and a father who maintains his household within a certain range. They made the Church itself the idol that had to worshipped.

——————————–

Benny stands outside in the parking lot and says : You can’t do that. Your Dad..

I hold up my thumb (of all things). I remind him I have a green thumb. I can do better than this –God has proved it.. This isn’t my life or even my job. Just a temporary thing in the middle of everything else. All that Rosemary at the house? I rooted all that from sticks from the big plant out front. God did it through me. I got a green thumb—God proved it. God’s made things grow through me –done good things through me. And you can’t even say this is evil unless you use their books and swear their oaths to Lucifer. Unless you look through their eyes.

Ben says: We just have to keep looking. Have faith. We got to keep our faith! God will give us the Answer!

I never lost my faith. If anything I found it. God’s proving it right now.

I didn’t go looking for this; this came looking for me. Literally. It hunted me like all the rest. It had me while I was growing up, just like it had Dad. Looking back, Mom knew something was wrong; she just couldn’t put her finger on it. She and Grandpa didn’t get along.

I got that from them too: whatever Mom says can’t be right. Preachers wives …are preachers wives. I was there praying for their good according to what they wanted as I heard it from him. Nobody could stop me. Dad knew what he was doing. We were going for a Breakthrough together. How could Mom always be sabatoging his efforts? Why couldn’t she understand? I was there when they made everyone work for vanity. I was there! For decades.

It’s about the kids coming up. They will NOT live under the same.

Look around, Ben. Things weren’t like this when they first got here. Things weren’t like this when we got started in life. They were raised safe. Then they took over and now look at it –in one generation. It ain’t about Democrat or Republican either. It never was. It’s about what is right before God and not men.

I pull the slide back and hear the bolt slam a round in the chamber. It sounds heavy-quick: of good quality; real. You pull this trigger in a gun like this and it’ll actually go off and be ready to do it again before you can blink. Something will happen too. The Glock twenty three c is a good weapon. Nice balance. You can shoot Glock’s forever without having to clean them. Or about twenty thousand rounds worth of ammo per cleaning job. No joke. They shoot underwater for God’s sake. Only downside is plastic magazines. They wear out over time. Not like the metal magazines for a Sig Sauer or a Browning. The forty is a good caliber though. Good stopping power. Everything is a trade off: power versus portability; weight versus power; size versus overall utility; commonly available parts versus the specialized weapon; legal status of getting a permit for the different tools. You know. We got a CIA knife over here –on sale. Composite. Don’t show up on radar. X-ray either. But you probably knew that.

They say to those whose ears they think they have: You can play until the money runs out. –while they use cash as an addictive medium for the free will lie: The more money you got, the more your will is free! Who can’t use more money? You’ve won!

‘Til the money runs out you control? That the word from the Big Boss from Somewhere Else? From the Light Bearer? From the High Holy Potentate?

But justice is free; moneyless. Priceless. When God says go, the talking, the jokes is over. And God has already given His Word, even though they think there is no God except the ‘Light Bearer’, so supposedly any other He can never Speak.

It’s an old — an ancient war. This is just the current round between God in us and Lucifer in them. God brought me up the slow path. But I’m here now.

It took God a lot to get me here. It cost Him.

Glock’s don’t have a traditional safety. God in you squeezes –it goes off. So if they tell you as a last resort that you’ve forgotten to take off the safety? Don’t believe them on that one either. Just squeeze.

I’m all out of answers and technical details. Go home, Ben. I’ll be alright.

—————————————————-

2 Chronicles 36:15,16 And Jehovah the God of their fathers sent to them by his messengers, rising up early and sending; because he had compassion on his people and on his dwelling-place. But they mocked at the messengers of God, and despised his words, and scoffed at his prophets, until the fury of Jehovah rose against his people, and there was no remedy.

Ezekiel 8:7-18 And he brought me to the entry of the court, and I looked, and behold, a hole in the wall. And he said unto me, Son of man, dig now through the wall; and I digged through the wall, and behold, a door. And he said unto me, Go in, and behold the wicked abominations that they do here. And I went in and looked, and behold, every form of creeping thing and abominable beast, and all the idols of the house of Israel, portrayed upon the wall round about. And there stood before them seventy men of the elders of the house of Israel, and in the midst of them stood Jaazaniah the son of Shaphan, with every man his censer in his hand; and a thick cloud of incense went up. And he said unto me, Hast thou seen, son of man, what the elders of the house of Israel do in the dark, every one in his chambers of imagery? for they say, Jehovah seeth us not; Jehovah hath forsaken the land. And he said unto me, Yet again thou shalt see great abominations which they do. And he brought me to the entry of the gate of Jehovah’s house that was toward the north; and behold, there sat women weeping for Tammuz. And he said unto me, Seest thou, son of man? Thou shalt yet again see greater abominations than these. And he brought me into the inner court of Jehovah’s house, and behold, at the entry of the temple of Jehovah, between the porch and the altar, were about five and twenty men, with their backs toward the temple of Jehovah and their faces toward the east; and they worshipped the sun toward the east. And he said unto me, Seest thou, son of man? Is it a light thing to the house of Judah to commit the abominations which they commit here, that they yet fill the land with violence, and keep provoking me afresh to anger? And behold, they put the branch to their nose. And I also will deal in fury: mine eye shall not spare, neither will I have pity; and though they cry in mine ears with a loud voice, I will not hear them.

Ezekiel 9:3-11 And the glory of the God of Israel was gone up from the cherub, whereupon it was, to the threshold of the house; and he called to the man clothed with linen, who had the writer’s ink-horn by his side; and Jehovah said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that are done in the midst thereof. And to the others he said in my hearing, Go after him through the city, and smite: let not your eye spare, neither have pity. Slay utterly the old man, the young man, and the maiden, and little children, and women; but come not near any man upon whom is the mark; and begin at my sanctuary. Then they began at the elders who were before the house. And he said unto them, Defile the house, and fill the courts with the slain: go forth. And they went forth, and smote in the city. And it came to pass, while they were smiting, and I was left, that I fell upon my face, and cried, and said, Ah, Lord Jehovah! wilt thou destroy all the remnant of Israel in thy pouring out of thy fury upon Jerusalem? And he said unto me, The iniquity of the house of Israel and Judah is exceeding great, and the land is full of blood, and the city full of perverseness; for they say, Jehovah hath forsaken the earth, and Jehovah seeth not. And as for me also, mine eye shall not spare, neither will I have pity: I will recompense their way upon their head. And behold, the man clothed with linen, who had the ink-horn by his side, reported the matter, saying, I have done as thou hast commanded me.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

July 11, 2006

Novel: Laughter Thieves/ Part one: The Heart of Darkness/Chapter One: The Hand of Time

Chapter One

There he is.

Where?

Right there. Just behind the big cypress tree. He isn’t moving. He’s looking right at us. Look at the tree where it meets the water, trace it back up to the palmetto frond on the left. His head is between the tree and the frond. You can see the sunlight shine off the tips of his horns.

I don’t see him.

How can you not see him? He’s right there.

The black water is mirror smooth and reflects the scene before them upside down and in reverse just below the real thing. Dad inches his finger toward the trigger and raises the rifle slowly to his shoulder. The deer bolts, fading into the thick vegetation in a flash of brown, white and swaying palmettos.

The shot is lost.

There is something unsatisfactory in a shot not taken; even shots lost by other people. It isn’t the loss of the meat; hunger is only a limited threat even to the starving. It is the not finishing. Izzy hears the thought: Pull your own trigger. Anything less is unreliable.

Afterwards, when hunting on his own, he aims at the ground and squeezes the trigger just to hear the sound when he has lost the target. Taking the shot is not about killing. Or power. Yet shooting the earth doesn’t bring the satisfaction of getting the job done. It is only proof the effort still exists the way a river exists that doesn’t turn a wheel.

Over the years the shot morphs into many things completed. In Bosnia it had gone from the lost opportunity by the communications tower to taking the shot to saving her life. In Columbia it became the exposure of the Attorney General as a pedophile that just happened to delay the trial the three days they needed. In Afghanistan it was the deal on the border.

Everywhere he goes there is a possible “________” perceptible enough to mark the end of one thing and the beginning of others. But never the certainty of a big Ending.

Never the real one, eh?

————

He wheels into the parking lot, a finisher of things with the report in his pocket; parks with a view of the building. Spitting the lozenge into its wrapper, he places it on the dash. The radio speaks of rain.

Surrounded by a bustle of students and staff flowing here and there on concrete and grass thoroughfares, the biology building of Canton College stands to one side of its own parking lot in a pine and hickory isolation from the rest of the campus. A plain brick building, square with windows at regular intervals; it is an architectural experiment in keeping with what he has heard of the school: flat roof, faux columns; plumbing pipes on the exterior obviously symbolizing veins and arteries; a grand entrance of steps and benches in small nooks on several levels with multiple; automatic doors on his side complete the statement.

Izzy steps out of the truck and points the remote behind him; hears the doors lock in unison as he walks away. He pulls the parka closer around his neck and zips the collar tighter against the wind. A little weak and buzzed from the antibiotics, he moves toward a set of doors on the newly poured concrete walk and pockets the keys. Students brush by and smile at him as the breeze picks up.

Inside, at an intersection of long halls, he takes off the sunglasses; deposits them in a case he stores in a compartment in the arm of the jacket. There is a steel elevator door straight ahead of him, a sign that says ‘No Smoking’ and an emergency exit plan on the right hand wall. There is a directory of offices to the left. He finds her name and takes the elevator.

The door opens on three. Heading toward the right and hoping the numbers count upwards to match his hunch. There are no signs.

Four doors down her name is on a door. He knocks. Hearing a voice from inside, he takes it as a greeting and enters.

“I’m Izzy Baxter. I called yesterday.”

There is no one there. She comes in from a back room and smiles at him. She matches the photo.

“I remember. The Astrobiology Institute?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve got the report?”

He hands it over and waits.

“Sorry I can’t offer you a chair. I think it was borrowed for the lounge.”

“That kind of thing goes on here too?”

She thumbs the report, nodding absently. “’Fraid so.”

A picture on the desk in front of him stares out at him. It is familiar and quiet in solid object certainty while he waits for the verdict. He wonders how much it will weigh when he picks it up.

“So it’s only been removed from the substrate for .. seventeen hours?”

He looks at his watch; does the math. “That’d be about right. Plus one.”

“But you called me yesterday..”

“I was asked to get a specialist to look at it. It’s in route to our facilities.”

“And all you have is the hand?”

“It will be there when you arrive.”

“Uh huh.” She flips the page. “That means you don’t have it now.”

The photograph is still there retaining its weight and rosewood shine. It is a cutout of a man’s head against a blue paper background. The man is looking down and to the right with a tired, haunted gaze through reddened eyes that shine from the bottom up. He is old, with a few days worth of white whiskers. The sparse, white hair of his head needs a comb. His shirt is unbuttoned. A dirty T-shirt wet with sweat is showing beneath. The mouth is slightly opened in an exaggerated exhale frozen by the camera. His expression is one of a tiredness deeper than bone. Frustration and a fatigue that can easily have been mistaken for insanity pour out of the photo.

“Any photos of it in situ?”

“No. Sorry. It surprised everyone. Not one of those things you go prepared for –that way.”

“I see. How did you get my name?”

“We know some of the same people. The work you did for the I-R-C? You’re rather well known, I take it. You came highly recommended.”

“The B-R-C?”

“I-R-C. You proved the victims, the bones unearthed at Astara, on the Caspian Sea were ritually killed with a blow to the back of the head.”

She looks at his clothes. “Okay. I have all the things I need here. If you could bring it…”

“We would like to keep the news of the discovery to ourselves for reasons I can’t go into here. I think they’ll be obvious when you see it.” A peal of thunder booms simultaneous with a flash of lightening just outside the window, shaking the building. “I don’t mean to be short. But we are pressed for time. Our facilities are up to date and will have any equipment you may need.”

“I really don’t like to go elsewhere if I don’t have to.” She looks at the report again. “Where was it found?”

“I can’t say.”

“You mean you won’t.”

“Okay.”

She doesn’t know what to say.

He looks around the office. She is an attractive woman with straight brown hair which she wears long, with a clip that holds it out of her face that somehow manages to enhance its shine. Her make-up is one step up from utilitarian. She keeps up with the fashions. She doesn’t like them. She is surrounded by interesting but odd things to stare at, placed at random around the office. There is a deer antler, chewed on one end with teeth marks exposing the marrow. A pine knot shaped vaguely like a bird’s head with green lichen growing on it is perched next to the window. Shards from ancient pottery are arranged in a display case. Each piece is numbered, arranged and held in place by a number of copper nails. There is a small charcoal drawing of what the whole would look like if assembled and a handwritten note of its origin. There are exotic plants with stunning blooms; old, leather bound books.

“That has to be rare.”

She looks up and follows his gaze to an orchid in a glass case. A color photo of the bloom is taped to the glass.

“Just difficult. Paphiopedilum appletonianum. Hasn’t bloomed since I’ve had it. I never can get the humidity right. Why not?”

He shrugs apologetically. “That either. But I think when you see it that will take care of itself.”

She peruses the report. “When will I see it —if I take the job. When will you expect a preliminary and final report? I generally like to have at least ten full working days to do the analysis and at least another four to submit the findings.”

“I’ve heard you like to say that, but that you usually have it in three days. This time if it’s true you won’t need to make a report. Just a yes will suffice.”

“If what is true?”

“That’s all I can say at this time.” At this time? It seems such a formal thing to say. He wishes for something better.

“That’s not very much.”

“The money will compensate for the rest.”

“Beyond the money..”

“And because you will have to know.”

She looks straight at him for the first time. “Why?”

“It’s one of those reasons you do what you do.” He extends his hand. “Sorry. I can’t leave it.”

She hands him the report. He is tall and a little thin. Jeans. Boots. Nice jacket—the kind of particular equipment not found in every sporting goods store. Short hair. Clean shaven. Muscular but not bulky. Military. Maybe intel. She has seen his type before. Very clear, plain eyes that ask and answer in less than a second with no accusation. He looks as if he would be very quick for a guy his size on a better day.

“I’ll send a car for you. Tomorrow. Here? Say eight o’clock?”

She nods. “Eight o’clock.”

He closes the door behind him and folds the report back into his pocket. He is glad this part is over.

Heading toward the elevator, the sound of laughter drifting into the hall from another office, he thinks of the mission; of Bobby. Pushing the button for the ride, he waits.

The laughter spills out, filling every thought.

He has never heard anything like it. Is it a gym? For what? He thinks of being that kind of buff as if thinking of another being with his name.

When he was younger, in those days with Dad or even a few years ago, he would have wanted to say all the things he thought on hearing it to someone who would understand: genuinely deep and unexpected things worthy of the time to say them. They come involuntarily: thoughts like living beings, certainties that he knows the other person will know hurtling into the same privacy with the laughter. They would have been his side of very good and satisfying conversation, the kind you only have once every couple of years at best and remember always. But having got them in mind, there is no one with which to share them and no time even if there was.

The door opens. He steps forward, the elevator closes with a soft whish, mechanically sealing the laughter and the floor from behind him and descends.

—————————————————————–

The car is punctual.

Riding through the Virginia countryside she begins to make plans for the summer with Beth Ann. For the first time since Sam’s death, she will be alone.

Florida University has accepted Beth Ann. Their arguments about it being so far away have only further strained an already tense time. Over the past few weeks they both have come to realize things are changing. After this seeing each other will never be the same. She wants to plan but doesn’t want to force anything. Wanting only to create a good memory for the both of them, she is lost in her thoughts of a vacation in the mountains as the hours roll by.

A complex that sharpens into buildings as they drive closer brings her to the present. The driver stops at a gate some distance from the main compound and speaks into a speaker, “Dr. Mary Black.”

The gate swings open. They drive past a small brown sign with white lettering: “Crenshaw Humming Research Division in Association with The Astrobiology Institute: a division of the Jet Propulsion Laboratories, National Aeronautics and Space Administration.”

“NASA. Crenshaw Humming. The big leagues.”

The driver nods at her in the rear view mirror. “Yes, ma’am.” They drive past armed guards roving in golf carts. Geese with orange tags on their legs roam freely inside the fence. A few burros can be seen grazing.

—–

From an upstairs window, a young man looks out, spotting the approaching vehicle. “She’s here.”

Jack Wallace walks over to the window. He swirls the ice in his glass, watching her get out of the car. “They look the same as us.”

“Maybe they are.”

“Then we’d be right already? But then we would be out of the research business, wouldn’t we? And who knows? Maybe we’re wrong. And if we’re wrong, well, we’re already in ancient world that really does know more than we do.”

“We are the only intelligent unknown.”

——

Mary sees Baxter coming through the large, double doors.

“Good trip?”

“No complaints. What’s with the geese? Donkeys at NASA?”

He motions her toward the door. “Burros. The geese are very territorial–better than guard dogs for making noise. If anyone wanted to break in here they wouldn’t be scared of a dog anyway. The geese are cheaper too. Besides,” he says as the door slides shut behind them, “they make us popular with the wildlife people. The coyotes come for the geese. The burros kill the coyotes that don’t care about the noise.”

“Why would someone want to break in here?”

“A flaw in their upbringing. It happens.”

Marine guards escort them to the elevators.

“Burros kill coyotes?”

“They don’t hunt them. They just won’t tolerate them in the same area.”

“I didn’t know that.”

They begin to descend, standing silently for some time. He smiles at her, doing his best bureaucrat imitation to set her at ease.

“Are you alright?”

“Just in a hurry.” he replies quietly. “And out of practice with..”

“Civilians? You did okay yesterday. Marginal.”

He shrugs inoffensively and stars at the buttons on the elevator. “They have a casual outlook on everything. Their conversation is always fake.”

She smiles. “And you fake the fake just to get by.”

“Only for as long as it takes.”

A moment later the elevator stops.

The doors open to a steel grated balcony; stairs to their left lead down to the concrete floor beneath. Large, clear panels partition the room into smaller, rectangular laboratory and office cubicles. One central walkway runs the length of the large room.

Men and women in shirt sleeves sit arguing at a table in one of the larger offices near the foot of the stairs. Several of them look up at them as they walk down the steps. Everyone falls silent as they walk past.

At the end of the walkway, Izzy turns into a small lab, followed by an older man in white tennis shoes and lab coat. The small, steel briefcase he carries is carefully laid on the nearest counter. In a soft Russian accent he says, “I am here for ice while you study hand.”

For his part, Dr. Dmitri Pavolvitch sees a younger woman who looks at him with a direct, wide open stare. She is perhaps mid to late forties, naturally attractive, intelligent eyes, dark brown hair. She seems nice enough but has an expression that is a mixture of curiosity, apprehension and incredulity. There is a practical look about her, like a queen or a mother; a family sort of person, not very vain or arrogant, that has had any youthful vanity run out of her by caring for someone and being cared for in return. He knows looking at her face that she has children. The past is etched in her face. A hesitance, a guarded softness in her eyes, says she is sophisticated in a certain way, but not deceptive.

He likes her immediately and hears the thought “Sophisticated for defensive purposes only.” He smiles and laughs to himself.

“What?” Izzy is looking at him.

“Nothing”.

It shows that he likes her She fingers a small scar over one eyebrow and looks at the case.

Placing the steel case on a nearby bench, he opens it and takes out a large, clear container in which is a smoky haze.

“You placed it in nitrogen?!”

“Bad?”

She isn’t sure he is kidding until he says, “Wink.”

She knows she is supposed to laugh but frowns instead. He has the same sense of the absurd as Sam. Even though she knows it is a setup– it has been years– she says “You don’t say wink. It’s something you do.”

“Oh? It is C oh two.” He smiles.

Izzy frowns and clears his throat. “Am I the only one in a hurry here?” He taps a code in the keypad and the top slides open. The haze has obscured a cylinder of ice in which is clearly a human hand.

“I thought you said it was mummified?” she asks.

“That’s why you’re here.” Izzy points out the various instruments available. “Everything that you should need is here. We have x-ray facilities available as well, of course. You can call for anything more you’ll need on the intercom.” He points to the intercom on the wall.

Pavolvitch assists her until he has the ice.

Izzy points to the conference room. “We’ll be there.”

They walk away without another word.

She is alone and speaks to the silence as if it is a judge. “Okay.”

——

Baxter and Dmitri stand at the other end of the corridor, watching the technicians come and go.

“I said nothing. You said nothing. She doesn’t…”

“Then why are you defending yourself already? Wink?” Izzy said. “No wonder I’m not married. I can’t be that lame on purpose.”

Dmitri grins. “You’ve got to learn to relax, Israel. Today there is emergency. Tomorrow is emergency. Emergency everywhere. All the time! We go on living in the middle of them all. Did you notice?”

“What?”

“The ring.” Dmitri holds up his index finger. “She still wears her ring. Her husband has been dead almost two years.”

“No. I didn’t notice.”

Dmitri grips his arm. “She will find what there is to be found.”

They turn to the on-going conference to postpone the inevitable questions.

——

The x-rays reveal a human hand clutching a small, rectangular object. Mary waits for some time after getting the images for the technicians to return with the hand. By the time she gets it back it is thawing. A heat gun speeds things along after she has taken baseline photographs, measurements and weight.

The hand isn’t mummified at all.

It is ‘fresh’, as they say in school. There is no frostbite damage. She checks carefully again. But there is no tissue damage at all.

She does the microscopy of skin and muscular tissue. After looking at the tissue, she isn’t really sure why she has been called at all.

Never aware of her gift in any way which qualified as recognition, she has never been able name it, only understanidng that at the beginning of an investigation everyone seems to expect something of her. There is an odd kind of pressure. The only way she knows they have been satisfied is when they turn away.

Sam, in a rare, lucid moment before he his death had said she had a smooth combination of clarity and curiosity that would take her places. He had said she recognized beginnings and that she should recognize his passing as one for herself.

She loves that he said it. She repeats it sometimes; now to herself as she steps back and looks at the question.

She goes through the whole examination again, step by step. They would not have called her if they didn’t want her particular expertise. This is NASA. Crenshaw Humming.

Thinking the hand was mummified had been a mistake. But it is the natural assumption given the visual stimulus and the substrate.

She does a battery of telomeric tests. Not trusting the results, she does the tests again. Testing the equipment and doing the tests a third time afterwards, she stares at the confirmed results. “That’s not possible.”

——————————————

Revelation 4:1 After these things I saw, and behold, a door opened in heaven, and the first voice which I heard as of a trumpet speaking with me, saying, Come up here, and I will shew thee the things which must take place after these things.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

May 18, 2006

Short Story: Big Iron Bar

It hadn’t rained in months.

A few sprinkles here and there had cooled things off. But no serious, steady rain had come in over sixty-three days.

Even as he watched it fall, hour after hour, it took most of the afternoon for Ken to realize the rain wasn’t worth hating and that standing in the rain knowing something was wrong with the world didn’t help him or the world. It made an impact on him the same way the air got heavier but didn’t keep him warm. He gave up standing and walking in it as way of understanding it with the same stoic grimace as when he finally stopped chasing the feeling he heard on somebody else’s guitar over the radio and packed his own away.

He went inside and changed.

When it did finally hit him that the weather wasn’t an interruption but a replacement of his plans, he sat down on the porch steps watching the water fall in steady thunder on the roof and searching for another reason to get away. At least for the next week, watering the garden wasn’t necessary.

It was almost four o’clock.

He didn’t care about getting wet. But there needed to be an efficency in the reason.

In just a little while she would be home. Something would start it up and she would be yelling again. She wouldn’t stop until she fell asleep.

Even though he knew at the bottom of it all he was just getting away from her words, still he wanted there to be a genuineness in his absence, a reality to hold up in the stead of the honesty she would use as more wood for her fire. If you was a man you wouldn’t be scared o’ me.

She never stopped.

He looked at his watch. Ten minutes.

The rain hadn’t slowed since it began. That was good. They needed the rain; even desperately.

Without another thought he stood up, put on his hat and walked out into the rain, straight ahead and into the puddles forming in the dirt driveway. Soaked almost immediately, his overalls taking on the dark of wet and sagging with the weight, he headed toward the road in the opposite direction from which he knew she would come.

Lightning spread in crooked fingers all around him, crashing in thunder that rolled from what seemed arms length away into the distance. Car lights from up ahead appeared through the rain.

He walked on.

A few minutes later a truck went by, lumbering down the dirt road behind him and sloshing the water out of the ruts in the clay. He stood to one side and watched it disappear in the rain again.

The water in the ditches crept out over the road and onto the fields on either side. Weaving in and out of rushing water that ran down the ruts, he walked on wondering if he was only a quarter of a mile away by now and hoping it was a half a mile.

He topped the hill and started down the other side, knowing that if it stopped raining she couldn’t see him even if she looked this way.

He wasn’t walking out.

He was just going for a walk without making a point of it. Somehow he would know when it was over. Maybe it would be her voice, or an event unknown as yet. But one way or another he would be back with her. And her voice.

He stopped suddenly and looked at his watch. It was four-thirty. It seemed no time at all since he had taken the first step. He remembered the water, the puddles and the truck. They were no reason at all.

He walked on in a stumbling gait on the slippery road, holding his hand up now and then to see what was ahead.

A car had been abandoned. He could see both rear tires were buried in the mud. There wasn’t anyone inside.

He walked on.

Bobby Williams drove up in his big, new truck. Carol Lintel was sitting beside him. The radio blared country music. Bobby rolled the window down. “You need a ride, Ken?”

Ken didn’t answer, just stared ahead and then back at the truck.

“What are you doin’ out here? Get in! I’ll drive you home.”

Ken searched Bobby’s eyes for a reason and saw Carol frown.

“No thanks. Ya’ll go ahead.” He waved a thank you, turned and walked on.

The truck sat there a moment and pulled slowly away.

Later, several hills later and down by the bridge, he played the scene over in his head. Bobby would surely stop by and tell her where he was. Bobby would ask if something were wrong–which would only add fuel to her fire. He could hear her already. You embarressed me! How dare you! Bobby and that new woman of his –who just divorced Ed Jenkins by the way!–stopped by here and told me you were walking away..in the RAIN! Do you know what that makes me look like! Me!? You ain’t even got a job, I’m supportin’ the both of us and now I’m the one made to look bad?! No sir! No way! You’re gonna….

She would go on for hours and not even take a breath. Jesus would come up. He would of course agree to everything she said and if He was present would’ve added more besides.

He leaned on the bridge wondering why God let people do that. They used the name of Jesus for every heinous thing imaginable and it seemed God never said a word about it. If God was the one everybody appealed to ultimately, why did He let this go on? Sometimes it seemed as if God was against Himself through other people. If that was true…

He dispaired of understanding. Without understanding, nothing would change. It would just go on and on and no one would stop. He thanked God for the rain and prayed for understanding before he got home.

The wind picked up. He closed his collar and sat on the rail, watching the water rush by beneath.

A while later, he hopped down and walked on. Tiptoeing between ruts with a hunched back and exaggerated step, and avoiding the small puddles like a victory, he didn’t hear the car until it parked behind him. He turned to say no thanks when he saw it was her.

They stared at each other through the window.

He searched for a reason, or at least a little softness in her eyes.

But she was angry, irrespective of her uncertain smile and wave to get in the car.

He disliked her for a moment, even as he loved her. She didn’t know how to be real. Everything she did was to prove she knew what other peoples love was: every movement a probe, a test to get the same reaction the other people got when they used words like love and marriage. I’m doin’ it right. You ain’t got a clue.

How could she not know that?! She was the one.

He knew how to give the reaction she wanted to prove she was doing love. It was easy. If he did it just right they would make love tonight and there would be quietness for a day or for an hour.

He couldn’t fake it, at least not now. Not any more.

She rolled down the window an inch. “Get in!”

“I ain’t done yet.”

Lightning struck a tree on top of the hill. The thunder boomed across the field and over them, shaking the bridge.

“What are you doin’ but gettin’ wet?! Get in before you get sick! I can’t take off work to take care of you! We can’t afford…”

He turned and walked down the bridge, starting in a hesitant stride. She was like a magnet for him; always had been.

She was the one.

But not like this.

He walked on.

She grabbed him from behind and whirled him around. “You leavin’ me?!”

“No. I’m just goin’ for a walk. I’ll come home when I get home.”

She wiped her hair out of her face. “Bobby stopped by with his latest woman. Said you looked sad.”

“Get in the car before you get sick. I’ll be home later.”

“I love you.”

He turned in exasperation. “No, you don’t. You try. I know you try. You get as close to what them other people say is love as you can. But that love is just somethin’ to hold up in front of those other people…like a trophy from the fair. It ain’t got nothin’ to do with me.”

“I love you no matter what you say. I love you. That’s it. I don’t need your say so.”

“Go home. I’ll…be there later.”

“I want you there now.”

“That ain’t gonna happen.”

She stood there searching for what to say next. She thought of books and poems and Shakespeare and the women on TV. She thought of Jesus and the preacher and what they would say. She started several times to say something.

He disappeared in the rain toward the top of the hill.

She turned around on the bridge and drove toward home, fidgeting at first with the radio and then turning if off. The squeak and whump of the wipers timed his walk away.

He walked on searching for why he missed her when she wasn’t there. When he was engaged he would have said it was her simple laughter. A few years back it would have been her quiet assurance of things being right. But he had work at the mill then.

The rain slowed down to a drizzle and a breeze picked up. Shivering slightly, he finally turned around just shy of the old iron stob that everyone said was the old surveying landmark and that the surveyors said no one used any more. Even covered in weeds and mud it was its own spot just by reputation, situated on the other side of the ditch; three quarters of a mile from Johnson’s store.

Three steps back and he remembered what had happened. Somewhere, somehow she had gotten a new sense of humor. It had come from church and from work, from her folks and from his. It had come from him. It had taken him all this time to see it. Something invisible had come and stolen her while she was still standing there.

He nodded as he sloshed through the mud, the sound of birds once more filtering through the dusk. Nothing last forever, not even drought.

The more he knew God the more he was aware. There had been a promise of her, of everyone never fulfilled in all these years. They all pretended it was the humor and that the humor fulfilled all the promises. But as he walked he knew one day that real joy was coming, like a rain with hands and break the back of humor.

Turning back again he hopped the ditch and made his way through the soggy grass to the old iron stob. Taking out his pocket knife, he began cutting the grass and weeds away from it in a wide circle, beating back the onslaught of weeds that threatened a reputation; a promise.

Staying put was a defeat for him in her system; running away was worse in his. He knew God wouldn’t let him leave and yet had held her in ignorance that set her against him.

And Jesus is Christ; upright. God is perfect; holy.

—————————————————

Psalm 22:1-5 To the chief Musician. Upon Aijeleth-Shahar. A Psalm of David.

My *God, my *God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou far from my salvation, from the words of my groaning? My God, I cry by day, and thou answerest not; and by night, and there is no rest for me: And thou art holy, thou that dwellest amid the praises of Israel. Our fathers confided in thee: they confided, and thou didst deliver them. They cried unto thee, and were delivered; they confided in thee, and were not confounded.

And Job said: Job 9:20-24 If I justified myself, mine own mouth would condemn me; were I perfect, he would prove me perverse. Were I perfect, yet would I not know my soul: I would despise my life. It is all one; therefore I said, he destroyeth the perfect and the wicked. If the scourge kill suddenly, he mocketh at the trial of the innocent. The earth is given over into the hand of the wicked man ; he covereth the faces of its judges. If not, who then is it?

Job 42:7 And it came to pass after Jehovah had spoken these words to Job, that Jehovah said to Eliphaz the Temanite, Mine anger is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends; for ye have not spoken rightly of me, like my servant Job.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

May 5, 2006

Flash Fiction: Shady Rest

“Law enforcement was serious business back then—like it is today.”

Gab nods and smiles. He nods and smiles at everything.

We’re standing in front of the old Shady Rest juke joint. It’s run down now; a of concrete block shell: collapsed roof; vines everywhere. All that’s left of its former glory is the chipped paint, broken glass, a few beer cans from several generations, weeds spilling out the front windows; trees coming through and shading everything else.

The only thing that looks new, alive and authentic to the name (if you don’t know its history) is the huge oak trees with big, knotty roots and Spanish moss that swings easily in the breeze. They were probably here back then too. But trees always look new and alive no matter how big they get and you never really know how long they’ve been there.

Every time I come by here I think of a big, forties-looking sheriff’s car. It’s the kind of place a snake would live in: not much traffic, other small creatures for food, an excuse of any kind would work no matter what happened because there isn’t anybody else to say otherwise, except on those occassions when God comes around. –The kind with the big bubble on top and the yesteryear siren? “Sheriff” painted on the side with a single, big star and a little beat up. Couches for seats. No seat belts. A thirty eight special and twelve gauge shotgun for armament. Tragedy on wheels for a writer in the south.

One day I’m going to write a story about this place. It’ll have old, tinny blues music, sweat, the drinking of liquor, mason jars and period clothes. Tobacco. Law enforcement. Grits. Salvation. Screen porches and doors. Someone will say “What’ch you doin’ boy?” and something about New York and up north. Racial stuff. It’ll have souls and spirits and characters recognizable to the general public as people because of the emotions they’ll do. One group will be ‘out’ and another will be ‘in’. It won’t be a comedy. It’ll make a statement about God, the human condition. Love. Everything. Maybe even make peace between everybody up north and everybody down south.

Gab must be thinking the same thing. He lets out a “WaaaaAAAAA!” that starts out low and gets louder like the old sirens. I nod and grin.

Hank jumps. I laugh. He was lost in his own thoughts and Gab’s siren must have sounded like an alien, demon spirit from the pit of all the evil that took place here suddenly moving through to inspect his domain. Possession. (Hey—that too.). Everything. A prison or road gang angle. Women. People with cars and those without them. Mules. Hound dogs. Huntin’. Dancing and sex will be implied but not demonstrated.

The wind picks up and the moss brushes my face. I’m standing under the shade. You too, brother. Old oak trees and Spanish moss. Lemonade. Church. Fresh cut lumber. Turpentine. Guilty laughter. Clean fun.

It started out and finished a juke. No one recalls the owner’s name—or what happened that closed it down. But they do say he changed the name to Shady Rest (from ‘Traveler’s Rest’) because it is what the locals had taken to calling it: he sold beer; moonshine under the table and played that music. As deep a sin pit as there ever was.

Somebody will take a sip in that story. And a bite. Bobcats. Alligators. A body. The swamp.

We’re out walking because we had a flat tire. We usually drive by this place and don’t stop. It’s not spooky per se. It’s just that nobody really has any business here anymore.

We were on the other side of the road, but Hank just helped a turtle to cross the asphalt faster. They tend to be slow and get run over with some frequency. The sign is still here and creaks on its hinges. There will be a repetition of the same mistakes over and over.

A woman in a car drives by. We stare stupidly to make it obvious we’re just visitors and don’t know where we are.

Gab lives just up the road. We can bring his truck down. It’s got the tools we need. But the air is hot now and we’re soaked through already.

It’ll have shade too, that story–some relief beyond ‘I saw it and understood it.’ And somebody will come home and everything will be alright. Except for one character. One family. Somebody always takes a hit.

Tall grass. Turtles. Roads. A perfect, Red Delicious apple. Everything.

For now we stand here and wait. We see what we can see and be what we can be in the small concrete square of the old patio. A moment will come and we’ll know the time to move on has come. A breeze or maybe someone we know will blow by. Perhaps the sun will go down beyond the overhang of the old oak’s branches or moss. We’ll just know.

Hank kicks a can toward the tree and sighs.

The turtle? He’s not moving and has no expression on his face.

——————————————————

Isaiah 34:13-17 And thorns shall come up in her palaces, nettles and brambles in her fortresses; and it shall be a dwelling-place of wild dogs, a court for ostriches. And there shall the beasts of the desert meet with the jackals, and the wild goat shall cry to his fellow; the lilith also shall settle there, and find for herself a place of rest. There shall the arrow-snake make her nest, and lay, and hatch, and gather under her shadow; there also shall the vultures be gathered one with another. Search ye in the book of Jehovah and read: not one of these shall fail, one shall not have to seek for the other; for my mouth, it hath commanded, and his Spirit, it hath gathered them. For he himself hath cast the lot for them, and his hand hath divided it unto them with the line: they shall possess it for ever; from generation to generation shall they dwell therein.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

April 5, 2006

Short Story: Supernatural Pi

The blueberries are just coming in here in the panhandle. Blueberries—not gooseberries. Let the reader beware the difference. We had good rains this winter, even this spring, so it should be a good year for berries.

Nobody wants to pick the small berries—the ones with the real flavor. Not even me –and I know they taste good.

You go and see the bush and all you really do is gage two things: size and color. Blue with a little frosting—that’s good. Big is good. But small with a deep blue/black translucence to it—that’s best. It’s sweet with just a bit of tart to it. The best of berry pickers pick them all. The best pies have a mixture of all sizes and shapes.

There are teardrop shaped berries. Round berries. Squat, big-middle berries. Football shaped berries. They all get ripe at different times, even different berries on the same cluster on the same bush. So the season is spread from late April/May to July/early August.

Most people around here pick a certain amount generally known as enough–and never for cash: personal consumption. That amount is indicated by the size of the container. You take a quart jar, you get a quart. You take a ‘large bowl’, you get a large bowl of berries. Works for most people. Not Dad.

I’m at one bush, he’s at another. “How much have you got?” I mean—it’s hot. Rattlesnake season coincides with berry season as well. No kidding. I killed one last year longer than I am tall.

“Seven hundred and eighty nine.”

“How much is that?”

He knows other people’s units of measure, even as he counts in his own. “About a quart.”

But it is not as through you could keep track of how many berries in a quart. So I don’t really know how much longer we’re gonna be here. Different sizes—different shapes and different bushes—different amounts per quart.

I suppose as I pick that somewhere in heaven someone is writing down “Seven hundred and eighty nine blueberries almost makes a quart”—it’s the secret number that runs the crisis algorithm of the universe. God says: Seven eighty nine? Angel says: Check. Another age (dispensation actually, but we won’t go there) begins. It’s crucial not just that he pick the berries for personal consumption, but that he count them, I ask, he says in my hearing “seven hundred and eighty nine” and “almost a quart.”.Something clicks into place—the universe is saved. But not for long. Somewhere another crisis has developed: it’s not just the berries.

—————-

We go for a walk.

“How far do you think we’ve come?”

“..eight hundred ninety seven, ninety EIGHT, ninety NINE, NINE HUNDRED. Be quiet –it throws me off.”

Saved again. Mars spins on.

But the odd thing is he can be ordinary—if not cavalier on other numbers.

“You got any coke left?”

“A little.”

“Overdrawn again?”

“I don’t know what happened.”

——————-

It’s an odd thing. At the exact moment of crisis, he becomes entranced with the particular. Large asteroid headed towards earth—Dad starts counting. “That’s over two thousand.” We only hear about the asteroid later as it skips off the atmosphere.

“Two thousand what?”

“Peas. Zipper creams. That’s approximately four-fifths of a five gallon bucket of pods in which the pods are laid vertically in rows, not just all thrown in. Throw these hulls out for your mother.”

——————–

There’s one number that never changes in his mind. It’s the maximum number of persons that have been regular attenders at any church at which he has been the pastor: Fifty Five. Not the people on the rolls. The people who actually showed up.

His buddies from seminary? Hundreds. The guys on TV: thousands. Dad: fifty five.

He’s always viewed money, blueberries and such as a race. The more you have than zero the more distance between you and where you started and the faster you get away from what might catch you from behind. Know where you are. There is no such thing as too much or too fast.

But souls are a different arena altogether. The person in front of him is the speed limit. Even God only goes so fast so nothing flies apart.

I say he’s too nice. He beats around the bush. The big names are mostly in heresy anyway to get the numbers they do. Dad’s heard the arguments: mix a little heresy on purpose to draw the people and the then zap ‘em with the gospel when they get there. Funny thing. No zap. Crowds get bigger. Can’t zap ‘em now, the new building has to be paid for. If they actually told the truth, they would be back at the speed limit and wouldn’t be getting ahead. They’ve grown used to it now. There is Christian PR to be done in the overall culture. But the soul in front of you? Nice to meet you. Have you heard of our new members class? Otherwise you’re fired. Gotta have those people skills.

—————————–

Dad’s doing the speed limit in an old clunker car.

But he’s real. But it burns him sometimes. It makes him small in his own eyes, almost a failure. He knows he shouldn’t compare. But he does—until the next person in front of him. So the encounter is a strange mix of revelation and catastrophe-he-is-abruptly-getting-over-on-the-spot; smooth road and speech bump. He wants to say the thing that blesses you AND the thing to make you come back and come back and come back. Instead God says the truth and its catastrophe for us all; it is a rebuke. We don’t realize it’s a blessing until weeks and years afterward. The big numbers are a fly that buzzes him while he’s speaking. It’s the same with me. I think it’s the same with everybody.

If you tried to read him emotionally and you didn’t know Christ you’d go insane. When you meet him you’re a soul and his speed limit. God gives himself to you through my Dad. You can’t speed either—which can be its own catastrophe. The thing about the Anchor of the soul is that you don’t move. And the world is going by at the speed of light.

We’re on our way back from a church God’s starting. Today’s sermon was ‘I have received of the Lord.’ It was communion Sunday. It was just me and him and God. Mother wouldn’t go. After it gets going and there is a crowd she’ll waltz right in. “That’s my husband.” “I used to teach Bible studies.” She’s got words prepared already to make people stay at the speed of light. All she needs is a crowd. She used them today on herself and stayed home to watch the TV pastors as the camera swept over the crowd.

He slows down and looks at the gages on the dash. “See there?” he says. “Twenty seven point eight miles per gallon. Bet you can’t do that.”

———————————————————

Psalm 37:16 The little that the righteous hath is better than the abundance of many wicked;

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Short story: An August Planting Before Rain

He’s bending over the tractor as I drive up. “Come on over here and pick this up”, he says as I get out of the truck.

That’s Mr. Charlie–all business. No ‘good morning’, just straight to it.

I go over and pick up the back of the planter so he can fit the cotter pins that hold it in place.

“Now we got to go get some gas and go home and get my sixes.”

“What’s that?”

“My sixes! The plates that go in the planter. It lets a seed kernel of corn drop every six inches. We’re gonna plant them pretty close together today. Usually I use eights or nines. But not for this time of year.”

“Yes, sir.”

We drive out past an old tobacco barn growing up in weeds. He grimaces looking at it and says nothing. The wood is strong, but brown, grey with drought, stress. It’s my ideal of the color of patience. We go get gas, the plates; we’re back.

He walks over and checks the planter again; points to one of the hoppers.

“Can you get this one here open? I can’t get it to move, it’s a hard one.”

I reach over and pry the pin open. I’m back from the Army two years now and here to help him plant a few rows of corn today. He doesn’t need anything from me but muscle.

Mr. Charlie’s been planting corn for over seventy years with no irrigation and has lost only two crops. Today he wants to roll the dice one more time. It’s late August. One of the crops he lost was this year–it didn’t rain for three months straight.

“My fingers won’t do what I tell em’ to do anymore, after that doctor had my arm all constricted the way he did.” He works his fingers for the pleasure of it. “I tell you, I’m glad to get that cast off!” He looks the whole apparatus over and nods and rotates his hand and wrist. “That’s fine. I’ll drive over to the patch and we’ll fill’er up over there.” He climbs into the seat of the old tractor. A few tries and it’s purring. It sounds very …reliable.

I go for the truck, get in and see a way around the trees. I’m in a ‘73 Chevy beater truck with no reverse gear. I busted the reverse clutch in the transmission pulling out azalea stumps last year. His dust trail leads over the dirt road and we’re there before I have time to get hot.

“Yeah, ” he nods and says as if in reply to climbing off the tractor and leaning on the planter, “I’m glad we’re startin’ early. It’s supposed to get up to ninety something again today after some showers. I can’t stand that like I used to could.”

“You want the thirteen-thirteen-thirteen or the five-ten-ten first?” I ask.

“It don’t matter none. Just pour it on in the hopper there.” He pulls a small wrench out of his back pocket and tightens a fitting. “I’ll have to adjust this thing back here so it don’t let too much out. Otherwise the corn won’t come up. That thirteen-thirteen-thirteen will eat it up– burn it before it even breaks the …you know, surface.”

“So you want the five-ten-ten?”

“It don’t matter none.”

“Yes, sir.”

I bring a bag of fertilizer and dump it into the hopper. “That enough?” I ask.

He looks at it and says “We’ll start with that and see how we do. You got the seed?”

“Yes, sir.” I pull out a bag of seed corn and hand it to him.

“How much did you get?”

“Six pounds.”

“What is it?”

“Golden Queen.”

“Well, that’ll be alright. That’s really just a yellow ‘Silver Queen’. Couldn’t get any of that sixty day variety?”

“No sir. All they had at the co-op was ‘Silver Queen’ or ‘Golden Queen’. They said it would take more than two weeks to order anything else and that was if they could get it this time of year. I wanted to wait and see what I could get in Tallahassee. But Dad went ahead and bought it. I said if he was going to do it anyway we should get yellow corn. That’s my preference anyway.”

“How much was it?” he said, measuring out the corn into the two seed hoppers equally.

“We got a deal on it because he said it was so late in the year. It’s regularly seven dollars a pound. But we got it for five.”

“Well, that’s not bad.”

“No, sir.”

He gets on the tractor and squints toward the end of the row. Finally he pulls his hat down to shade his face and puts the tractor in gear, lowers the planter and he’s off. He goes slow, making sure he’s got his landmark still in sight but checking the rate of flow of the fertilizer and the corn occasionally.

He’s back. “Well, that’s four rows! Look at that. Can’t nobody say Charlie Walker can’t plow a straight row. But I think this thing back here needs adjustin’. I didn’t do anything but go down and back and look at all the fertilizer that’s gone.”

He steps down, pulls a larger wrench out from under the seat and adjusts the hopper. “Alright, let’s try it again!” He goes down and back again. “That’s just about perfect!” he says as he swings the tractor around for another run.

I nod and smile and he’s off again. After several more rounds he needs more fertilizer. “Don’t fill it up all the way. I don’t think we’ll need it and it’s hard to get out of the hopper once you put it in.” He climbs down and works his arm again.

“How many rows do you think we’ll end up with?” I ask.

“Twenty-four.” he says as if it were already done.

I start to put the empty bags in the back of the truck and he taps my shoulder and points at the end of the row. “You don’t never want to plant all the way to the end or out to the road. If you do the rainwater ‘ll just run right off. I been working this field for twenty-five years now; took it over when your granddaddy got tired of havin’ his calves shot ‘cause he wouldn’t let nobody hunt back in here.”

He takes off his hat and swipes his forehead with his arm. Squinting across the field, he says, “Now you look at this field. It’s as level as can be. When it rains all that water stays right here. I plow it one way one year and the other way another year and it don’t all get dragged to one side.” He turns me around by the shoulders. “Now look. Can you see ‘ol Summer’s field over there?”

I look past the line of trees and see the field next to ours. It hasn’t been plowed this year and is high in weeds.

“He plows the same direction every year. Ten years ago I told him he needed to go at it from another direction. He wouldn’t listen. Now one side of his field is a full eighteen inches higher than the other. Every time it rains he has to dig out his driveway again– keeps wonderin’ why.” He laughs to himself and gets back up on the tractor. He makes several more rounds.

“That’s twenty-four.” he says.

“Mr. Charlie, that’s more corn than all of us put together are gonna eat. Between the corn and the peas and squash, cucumbers and okra we’ve already got planted, we’ll have more than we can give away.”

“Nobody ever has more than they can give away. And this is gonna be the best corn we ever planted! The signs is in the heart today. Yesterday they wanted to plant but I said if you’d help me I’d rather plant today–yesterday’s signs was in the arms.” He stretches out his arms. His hands tremble slightly like a preacher, like Moses hands stretched out over the Red Sea. Then he smiles and drops his arms. “That’s O.K. for vining things like pumpkins and winter squash and such. But the heart sign is the best of all for corn and things that grow up and bushy. The weatherman said it wasn’t gonna rain so I waited.” The wind blows with the scent of rain over the field. “Well, I got some seed left over and some fertilizer. I’ll drive back under the shed yonder and we’ll unload.”

I follow him around and we unload and save what we didn’t use. I thought we were supposed to plant it until we ran out of seed. I don’t say anything as I store the remnants of the bag behind the seat in the truck.

“Well, ” he says, leaning on the truck before we go, “We did our part. Now it’s up to the Lord.”

They’re First Baptist. Free will all the way. Democrats. They have a role in life specially cut out for God after they have supposedly done what they wanted. I shrug. He frowns. In his system my shrug means I lack faith. He is an older man. “Yes, sir.”

I drive him home. He doesn’t see well enough to drive on the road any more. We pass our house on the way and he says after a small silence at the stop light, “How those bananas doin’ your daddy planted?”

“They’re doin O.K., I guess. He said I cut them back too low and they wouldn’t make any bananas this year. But I think they look fine.”

“Yeah, they’ll be alright. Those bananas, They’re used to hard livin’ –like those palm trees growin’ on the coast.”

“Yes, sir.”

The light changes just as I realize how cool it is now. The trees are beginning to whip back and forth. I gently press the pedal and we move on. The truck sputters. He grips the door harder as I push on the gas. In the side mirrors we see the rain coming up in a wall from behind us.

————————————————————–

Deutoronomy 32:9-18 For Jehovah’s portion is his people; Jacob the lot of his inheritance. He found him in a desert land, And in the waste, howling wilderness; He compassed him about, he watched over him, He preserved him as the apple of his eye. As the eagle stirreth up its nest, Hovereth over its young, Spreadeth out its wings, Taketh them, beareth them on its feathers, So Jehovah alone did lead him, And no strange *god was with him. He made him ride on the high places of the earth, And he ate the produce of the field; And he made him suck honey out of the crag, And oil out of the flinty rock; Cream of kine, and milk of sheep, With the fat of lambs, And rams of the breed of Bashan, and he-goats, With the fat of kidneys of wheat; And thou didst drink pure wine, the blood of the grape. Then Jeshurun grew fat, and kicked–Thou art waxen fat, Thou art grown thick, And thou art covered with fatness; –He gave up God who made him, And lightly esteemed the Rock of his salvation. They moved him to jealousy with strange gods, With abominations did they provoke him to anger. They sacrificed unto demons who are not God; To gods whom they knew not, To new ones, who came newly up, Whom your fathers revered not. Of the Rock that begot thee wast thou unmindful, And thou hast forgotten God who brought thee forth.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Short Story: Afghanistan Bananastan

Too big to get lost, the stone hangs so heavily around her neck that no matter how she moves it stays centered between her breasts. Her hair moves over her shoulders: one piece of silk. Her lips move when she talks. Her cheeks move when she smiles. Her eyes light up when she grins shyly and looks away. Her body moves a little to the music. But the jewel is always.. right there.

Faintly shining, it is dark blue on a rope of silver; a gold clasp through a small hole in the sides, the stone has become its own presence in the room.

Jimmy sees her and snaps his fingers with a smile. “Julie’s here.”

John stares at her, lowers his arms and wiggles his fingers at the scene before them like a boxer warming up for a fight. “Really? Where?”

Jimmy just laughs out loud and steps into the crowd. She hears his laugh and looks to the man standing next to her, suddenly admiring his tie.

When you see Julie, you don’t hear finger picked acoustic guitar with maybe a harmonica for innocence. Don’t get me wrong. She is her own kind of clean. But you hear old jazz, a kind of decadent, sophisticated music full of horns and drums. Hello. I knew a girl named Paula like that once. No matter where she is in the world I still do. Never even kissed her. Long story (only if you are young). She loved it—and hated it. I just hated it. I always hang out with the wrong kind of girl.

A guy like me—I’m more acoustic. A little too simple maybe. Even I think I’m stupid sometimes. Paula. I see what’s happening and just head to the bar.

Julie appears beside me. The music has picked up and everyone is dancing.

“Don’t look so shocked. I can’t help how I look.”

I smile and laugh a little at that. Yeah. Very heavy stone. Expensive.

“So what is it?”

“Oh. The stone?” She fingers it and holds it up so she can look at it.

“Aren’t you ever real?”

“It’s lapis L.”

“L?”

“I hate to say it because I’ve always seen it in print but I’ve never heard it pronounced. I hate being wrong. Lazoolee?”

I catch myself staring. And nodding. “Close enough. It’s a combination of the latin word ‘lapis’ which means stone and the Arabic word ‘azul’ which means blue. Mined mainly in Afghanistan. It looks good on you, whatever you call it. ” If I was a real authority on it and it was main attraction I would have pulled out a monocle, cradled it in my hand and twirled it in the light. But it’s just some info I picked up reading a magazine in the doctors office waiting for my mother. I’m a regular encyclopedia of trivia that spills out on the odd cues I never see coming.

“You ask questions you already know the answer to. I’d love to hear your prayers.”

I shrug and take a sip of my drink.

She doesn’t stop. “You want to get out of here?”

I look her in the eyes. She has that “I’m pleading but not really” look. Sometimes I think she is me in reverse. If I really thought she could be real for a minute, if I would get a real kiss and we could build something, (or at least get some good conversation) instead of a ‘hot’ kiss I would go. Hell, I’d run with her. But she just wants me to play against Jimmy and John and start some trouble.

We catch ourselves staring at each other and realize we don’t know how long we’ve been doing it. This is the third time we’ve come within a hair’s breadth of kissing and everything else. Before Paula I would have swallowed hard out of reflex. I pick up my drink and nod to the bartender. He comes over and asks her what she wants. She frowns and takes a deep breath as she sighs. The stone is a witness between us. She’s not mad, just frustrated. The only reason she comes back is because I haven’t fallen for it yet.

That’s how they get you on hold: Hoping for reality in the middle of all the background noise. She won’t speak to me at church. She just looks at me sometimes as she sits there; doesn’t answer when I speak to her. She says I’m more approachable in here.

She smoothes a stray hair back and pulls out the barstool next to mine. “I’m not leaving this time.” Her eyes play over my face. “Wine cooler.”

———————————————

Proverbs 7:10-12 And behold, there met him a woman in the attire of a harlot, and subtle of heart. She is clamorous and unmanageable; her feet abide not in her house: now without, now in the broadways, –and she lieth in wait at every corner.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen

April 3, 2006

Novel: The Laughter Thieves/Part One: The Heart of Darkness: Chapter Eighteen